I’ve been slacking on my writing posts, and it’s mostly due to the fact that I’ve been slacking on my writing. I have a great list of edits to go through for my first MS and Miss Ruth is doing a bang-up job on giving me feedback for my second MS, but I just can’t bring myself to get to them. I’m not sure why.
Work has been REALLY busy lately, so by the end of the day when I usually write, I just want to chill out and watch the newest disc of Modern Family that has been delivered to me via Netflix. I don’t want to THINK. But that’s not really the reason.
The reason is that I’m afraid.
I have completely stopped querying because now I know what I need to do to fix my book, so I don’t want to send it out anywhere. But that was such a hard couple months of rejection, I’m afraid to finish my edits and get it back out there. Once I put it back out there, I’m opening myself up to hearing more of the word “no”. That is not my favorite word.
Then there’s my second MS. Which I feel really good about, but I’ve given it to a couple people and only the ones who knew the real inspiration behind the story have completely finished it and given me feedback. The two ladies (you know who you are) who are unfamiliar with the story have yet to tell me anything. I feel like I lost them this time. I hope not. I hope they’re just busy. And I hate to give a MS to friends, because then every time you talk to them they feel like they have to defend why they’re not done yet, so then I just don’t hear from them. Awkward.
But I digress. I guess I’m just trying to be smarter this time and have my MS more polished before I send it out again, but there’s still a twinge at the back of my mind saying “if you never send it out, you’ll never hear no again!” But I won’t ever hear a “yes” either.
Then part of me thinks I’m afraid of what I’d do if I ever heard “yes.” That’s a whole new set of worries. But that’s a post for a different day.
Are any of you afraid to get rejected? Or worse, afraid to succeed?
I once did a post on how I would feel a little sad if I did get published, so I know where you're coming from with the fear to succeed bit. However, having recently gotten my first rejection, I can't say I'm afraid of hearing 'no'. My big fear is not hearing back at all. I hate the waiting and wondering. I would rather just know so I could move on.
ReplyDeleteYeah I agree. The lack of response is WAY worse than hearing no. At least you're not thinking in the back of your mind that they're going to come around FIVE MONTHS later...(I'm not speaking from personal experience or anything...ahem).
ReplyDeleteWho knew that writing could be so scary? Holy moly, it is! But you are a fantastic writer and someday you will hear a YES. But only if you move forward:)
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